Community: Forum: Vegetarian Discussion
Vegan / Vegetarian Discussion - All Things Veg*n Forum
Hello all,
Something is troubling me. My daughter who is 25 years old, after being vegan for about three years, she decided to eat fish. I found out through her brother. I was very sad, devastated felt angry against her and felt betrayed, as if she had done something against me. I have many times confronted to her how I feel about the suffering of animals in the hands of humans. She has understood my emotions completely, and agreed with me about the consumption of meat and the use of animals. By the time I confronted to her that I had found out, I had become very angry, causing me call her a lot of horrible names. All she told me was that she had it twice to give veganism a break and that it was her life and could do what she wanted. It has been two weeks now and we barely talk, as we were very close. Am I wrong here? How can someone be vegan and eat fish. Fish is an animal and its animal flesh she is eating. I want to hear what others think.
Something is troubling me. My daughter who is 25 years old, after being vegan for about three years, she decided to eat fish. I found out through her brother. I was very sad, devastated felt angry against her and felt betrayed, as if she had done something against me. I have many times confronted to her how I feel about the suffering of animals in the hands of humans. She has understood my emotions completely, and agreed with me about the consumption of meat and the use of animals. By the time I confronted to her that I had found out, I had become very angry, causing me call her a lot of horrible names. All she told me was that she had it twice to give veganism a break and that it was her life and could do what she wanted. It has been two weeks now and we barely talk, as we were very close. Am I wrong here? How can someone be vegan and eat fish. Fish is an animal and its animal flesh she is eating. I want to hear what others think.
Responses (7)
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Posted by ahimsa32fa at 02/27/16 05:02:28
anahidscv-
You obviously care a lot about non-human animals, but perhaps you could try to be more understanding when it comes to your daughter's feelings.
She likely decided to eat fish because of the influence of a friend, teacher, TV ad or whatever.
The meat and dairy industries have poured enormous amounts of money into promoting their products (with lies) and trying to discredit vegetarians and vegans. That's what you're up against.
None of us are perfect and most of us vegans ate meat and dairy products at one time. It took me years to go from vegetarian to vegan (1975-1983), and even after that I slipped up a few times.
If I were in your position, I'd apologize to your daughter. That will do more than angry reactions. Love and understanding is best.
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Posted by jollypig at 02/28/16 01:58:31
Totally agree with the previous responder. You'll get nowhere by shouting at your daughter. Tell her that you're sorry and talk to her about her reasons - with the emphasis on listening and understanding rather. Confrontation will only have one effect - to drive her further away from you and your beliefs. Love and understanding is the way to go.
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Posted by V3ganFoodie at 02/28/16 17:58:53
There is one reason why you found out through your son and not from your daughters lips - she knew you'd be upset and she didn't want to have that conversation. You got upset and had a less-than-optimal conversation. While the damage has been done and the fallout has been expensive (your daughter drifting away), it is not irreversible. Trust me.
You need to have a heart to heart with her and say that you were upset because you didn't understand ... And you want to understand her side. Here is the hard part. You have to mean it. You have to listen to her and find out the root cause of her eating fish. Is it the taste? Gardein makes a new "fish" filet. Is it protein? Get her some vega protein or a book about vegan proteins. Find the root cause and help guide her (if wanted) to find a solution. If she does not want guidance, only your respect for her decision, that is what you must give to preserve the relationship. You will do more good for the animals if you preserve the relationship. Chances are that she hasn't forgotten your insights over the years. Good luck! I hope you provide an update!
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Posted by anahidscv at 02/29/16 08:17:49
Thank you all....truly appreciate your responses and your guidance. I haven't talked to her about the issue since, but we finally started making peace. I did notice that she is still vegan, well at least at home. A few months ago, she had mentioned about fish and liking the taste of fish. I think she had brought it up to see my reaction. She always said that if the animals weren't used the way they are and they weren't treated the way they are, she would be vegetarian instead of vegan. She always loved cheese and eggs. I am going to try the gardein fish and see how that goes. She still used cosmetics that are not cruelty despite how many times I have explained to her the suffering of animals in labs for these products. She is quite aware, but claims that she tried many products but always goes back to what she uses, which is mainly MAC cosmetics. Maybe she well make the change soon. Thanks again all for all of your responses.
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Posted by Thalassa4 at 03/19/16 21:40:29
The Gardein Fishless Filets are good, and I've heard good things about the "crab" cakes from others.
Maybe she's also needing Omega 3s...perhaps if she worked flax, walnuts and hemp into her diet it would also help.
I can completely understand why you're upset though. I mean the MAC cosmetics thing actually makes me kind of nauseated myself, like seriously you would rather be trendy than cruelty free? Has she ever heard of Lush?
But yeah she's your daughter so I guess you could at least apologize for the name calling, because that just make make her rebel, even though she's an adult.
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Posted by anahidscv at 03/21/16 16:38:47
Thanks Thalassa. For me, I don't take cosmetics seriously, as far as how excellent it goes on or stays on. For me its more important that I find decent cosmetics but they HAVE to be vegan AND cruelty free. To her, its important how satisfied she is with the outcome. The price that the animals pay is nothing to how my face should look like. The lives of these creatures are more important to me than my looks.
