Community: Forum: Vegetarian Discussion

Vegan / Vegetarian Discussion - All Things Veg*n Forum

Hi everyone! This is my first post on this site. So please excuse me if I posted to the wrong place. I wasn't sure what to first talk about on here so I decided to ask you guys a question that has been on my mind from some time now.

What are your opinions on who you date, considering most of you are vegetarians? I recently am looking for somebody to possibly date or hang out with and because vegetarianism isn't very common where I live, most local people have an omnivoric diet. What are your philosophies on who you date? Does it matter? Is it ethical to date an omnivore? Would you try to convert them if you date them? I don't like online dating BTW. Let me know your opinions. Thanks!


Responses (20)

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    Posted by claranson at 02/13/14 04:38:04

    Personally I don't have any trouble being with my omnivore boyfriend because I like him for who he is and not for what he eats, but I'm sure many others would have veeery different opinions on this topic. I guess it depends on how serious you take your own veganism/vegetarianism, wether it's more of a mission of yours or just your personal lifestyle choice.

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    Posted by TheVegetableAddict at 02/13/14 04:56:45

    Interesting. Well Thnaks for replying! I often find that its hard to come across people who are vegetarians, so I came to the conclusion that its too much work to find somebody who is already vegetarian. Although I know a couple of ladies who are. They are out there, but some just don't make it public.

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    Posted by AllyG at 02/13/14 18:30:40

    It's all about respect. My husband is a self professed flexitarian, he eats vegan at home, and we have a vegan house (shampoo, laundry detergent etc) but if we go out he can eat whatever he wants.
    Likewise, he will see something g he likes in a restaurant menu and if there are no vegan options he will change restaurants without complaint.
    I don't give him a hard time about eating dead animals, and he respects my choice to not eat them. We've never had a disagreement about it either.
    There are vegans who I believe are hard line about it, and will only date other vegans, but it does narrow the dating field.
    It's about love, attraction, common interests and values, that count.
    I believe the best way is to live by example. Preachy hard core turns off not inspires. Non of my friends are vegan or vegetarian, but they love and respect me, and will always always cook something vegan for me! No problems or complaints.
    Good luck.

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    Posted by claranson at 02/14/14 00:13:20

    so true, AllyG! In the end it's all about respect. Being a vegetarian or vegan is a choice you make (and yay you for it!), but one shouldn't use it and treat other people disrespectful for it. The soft, respectful approach is alwas to lead by example. And Mr. TheVegetableAddict - you are narrowing down your choice, only 7% of American women are vegetarians after all (see here: Good luck finding your lady though!

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    Posted by The Hammer at 02/14/14 03:32:23

    for casual dating or friendship i never mind veg or no vge, in fact i prefer non veg because in general i find non veg people more interesting, i mean, with veg people it is mainly all the time about veg and animal rights topics.

    for dating it is very different. i couldn't be with somebody 24-7 and see that person stuffing himself with meat and animal products three times a day.
    Basically, i would have to that person while eating, and i wouldn't want to do that.
    In the end, does a person who eats meat really understand me and can really respect me on a deeper level? i don't feel so. How about the possibility of kids ? You want your future children to eat meat yes or no problem ? How about going to eg a wedding party or a family X mas dinner together ? Your partner eats meat and has to go to great lenghts to have sympathy or support your annoying vegan eating restrictions.

    As for me, the dating i did with non veg women and i was in a mood, it slowly became annoying and i did regret NOT being honest with myself AND with the other person.

    The last dates inlcuding the one that led to marriage, i simply was honest, BEFORE serious dating started i simply said that i can't date a person who eats meat. SURPRISINGLY, because of the upfront honesty and clarity, the other person could make her own choice to date me yes or no. Not eating meat (eating vegan) NEVER has been any problem. My 4 year old son also was raised vegan and the mother wouldn't want it another way.

    Last but not least, don't think about trying to slowly or respectfully convert somebody to veganism, it is wishful thinking.
    Basically, if you don't care about the person in front of you gobbling down three times a day meat and eggs and milk, and occasionally staring at you, and who knows in due time making a funny veg joke, i would say, go date a meat eater.

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    Posted by Sweet Pea at 02/17/14 22:15:56

    My ex boyfriend is why I got into being a Vegan, and I have dated meat-eaters, but at this point it's getting a little gross for some reason.

    I have to think about long term: do I want to prepare meat for another person? Buy it? Open the refrigerator and see a slab of flesh? I am beginning to see it as another element of being compatible.

    Eating is something we do several times a day, and if two people don't have the same general eating habits, how would that work?

    My ex and I had the best time choosing little places off the beaten path and some of my best memories are of meals we had that were amazing and vegan.

    I think it could present real problems if you are morally and ethically committed to being vegan and choose to be with a meat-eater.

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    Posted by happycowgirl at 02/18/14 08:42:50

    Great questions, VegetableAddict. I think the answer would vary a lot from person to person. Or even vary for the same person over time. Like when I first started dating, no one I knew was vegetarian much less vegan. So the idea of not dating someone b/c they ate animal products wasn't something I even entertained. But the longer I was vegetarian (now vegan), I found it disgusting to see someone put a dead animal in their mouth. I mean, gross. And they want to kiss me with that mouth? Not a chance.

    As for trying to convert them, I find the most effective, longest lasting conversions are when people convert themselves. For me, I just do my thing. I lead by example. I don't put pressure on people. I think this takes away their defensiveness. When they ask questions about why I don't eat this or that, I cannot wait to answer. I tell them as much as I can until they hit the point that I can see they're not absorbing anymore (or it gets to be too much for them for the time being).

    That said, I think there is a lower level threshold we all must hold our dates to. I'm talking rock bottom minimum. They might stuff their face with meat but they must be respectful of our decision not to.

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    Posted by TheVegetableAddict at 02/18/14 18:25:04

    Thank you to everyone for responding! It is very interesting to read all of your experiences and to see what other folks like me think about this kind of stuff. And @claranson thanks! I hope to find a special lady! Now that I read those stats, it is very apparent that not many people choose this lifestyle. We are really the round pegs in the square holes like the think different campaign said. I mean at the end of the day it doesn't matter what kind of diet our potential significant other has. They can eat what they want. If they are easy to get along with and seem open to my lifestyle then why not date them. I do find however, that the few vegetarian ladies (and guys) I know, are very satisfied, happy, healthy people. If that means anything I don't know.

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    Posted by trinitybourne at 02/19/14 10:19:52

    Beautiful replies all around!

    Just wanted to echo, that it really depends on what is right for you.

    I ended up marrying a guy about 18 years ago. He asked me on a date and I said, I wouldn't date anyone who ate me. He went vegetarian that week. We started dating. I was very young and really impressed. We married a year or so later, although we were at odds really. He was always longing to eat meat. It was never in his heart, which I could never get my head around. I just knew that it wasn't right for me to spend the rest of my life with a meat eater. Our marriage fell apart in so many ways and we got divorced (after having our first child).

    For a lot of people they would be fine with it. Listen to your own heart and go with what feels right for you.

    I would only date vegetarians after that... and I knew that was right for me. I've been happily married to a vegan for the past 8 years. It works perfectly for me.


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    Posted by metallipanda at 02/19/14 10:27:26

    My husband will not touch a vegetable, and I have been vegan for 6 years due to an array of food sensivitivities. We don't have a problem at all. When we cook at home, we make 3 pots- 1 meat, one veg, and then a plain noodle/tortilla thing for the both of us. It works for us, but I have to admit, if I suddenly found myself single again, I would prefer someone veggie-minded.

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    Posted by Serpille at 02/19/14 10:42:08

    I was a vegetarian for 20 years now I am a vegan, and I met my partner who was an omnivore 12 years ago. I didn't mind him eating meat, but we discussed a lot about benefits of being vegetarian, he has been vegetarian since last year and I know that he wouldn't go back to eating meat again and I am not sure if he would have become vegetarian if he was with an omnivore, so it is good that I've been with him.

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    Posted by vingummi at 02/19/14 12:06:38

    I was with my boyfriend for about 7-8 months before he was convinced enough go vegan. Before that he ate meat and did not care very much about animals. Now he is a passionate vegan and is influencing others to do the same. I am so glad that I was not narrow-minded to only accept fellow vegans as a potential partner. There aren't that many! I think it's much better to lead by example and show them the reasons why you eat the way you do. I would never respect what my partner eats if they eat meat, because respect is something that is earned. This could also give them the impression that they don't need to change, when they really do.

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    Posted by peacerunner at 02/19/14 12:29:45

    Just a few true facts:
    1. When I hired a professional matchmaker she advised me to not list vegan or even vegetarian because most prospective dates would think I was basically difficult to get along with. I listed "vegan" and she changed it to "friendly Vegan"
    2. I have noticed that dates who say things like "it must be difficult for you to eat at restaurants" basically don't ask me out again.
    3. If one more date asks me "do you get enough protein?" I will smack him. :-)
    4. I have to admit that the one man I dated who is also vegan, as well as gluten free and basically knowledgeable about nutrition was just so easy to be with. We became really good friends.
    Conclusion: I would never not date someone because of their eating preferences or ever try to "convert" anyone, BUT maybe over the longterm it could get tricky. Watching a person consume artery clogging animal fats is distressing, though I am good at hiding it.

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    Posted by greencreature at 02/19/14 12:58:58

    It is a tough one. Since the dating pool is already so difficult, then if you cut out 85+% of the people you can meet, well, it becomes downright impossible.

    I can go on dates with someone who isn't, but I wouldn't really consider long term anything with them unless they are open to becoming at least Vegetarian, and I am even more interested if they are open to Veganism.

    I can no longer consider someone as a partner if they eat meat especially. It doesn't matter how "Good" of a person they are in any or all other categories. That is a deal breaker to me. Of course not eating meat is a healthy choice, but the bigger choice is for the lives of the animals. I cannot support anything nor anyone who has little or no care about the rampant abuse, pain, suffering, and death of all the animals we as a population torture and kill so we can get 10 seconds of pleasure eating a Big Mac. If they can't understand how terrible the choice of eating meat is on the lives of these living creatures, I can't be with them. They aren't truly a "Good" person in my eyes then. May sound harsh to some, but not as harsh as the torture and abuse of Billions of animals to feed the human addiction for flesh. Something we have no reason to eat to begin with.

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    Posted by Angy SE at 02/19/14 14:52:09

    I guess - it´s a very difficult but at the same time simple question to answer. Difficult in the sense that I have to chose between a person and an animal, and simple because we people have no right to nurture an addiction for flesh consumption. But I yes- I guess I would not go out with someone who does not respect and sympathise with my vegan way of life. It is not an obligation that that person should be vegan but that person ought to know how important this way of life is to me, respect it and support it in anyway possible- by becoming vegan - also could be an win win option.. :)

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    Posted by Redheaded Vegan at 04/02/14 12:39:47

    Like many who have responded, I think it's a personal choice. I think it's important to be honest with yourself and the person you are dating about your parameters. My husband is omni but eats almost exclusively vegan at home in small part because I won't buy or cook animal products for him, but also out of respect for me and my choices. When we eat out we often choose veggie restaurants because he wants me to be comfortable and happy and admits he can eat nearly anywhere.

    Many hard-core veggies can't understand dating someone who has such different philosophies, and I can understand that. We all have places in our life where we are most comfortable being around like-minded individuals - for some it's religion, for others politics, for some it's the vegan lifestyle. In my case, I've slowly chipped away at my husband. I don't lecture, but instead I've introduced him to a world of food he was unaware of and feed him delicious plant-based food as often as I can. I offer to pack his lunch every day in part so that I can be sure he's getting at least some of the benefits of a vegan diet.

    So what has happened is that by dating and then marrying an omnivore, I've actually helped reduce his meat consumption drastically. He can often go days without eating any animal products, and has gone vegan a few months at a time, and I feel good about that.

    Do what is right for you, just be realistic so that no resentment builds on either side.

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    Posted by StephenS at 04/02/14 18:08:16

    Nice Topic Vegetable Addict - and interesting responses - who doesn't want to talk about Love and Lust!
    - Anyhoo - for me - I could never date someone who eats meat - and they would have to be pretty amazing for me to put too much energy into them if they weren't flirting with the Vegan idea. I understand that for everyone it is a personal choice - and I respect all people no matter what their dietary position on the path of life - but that being said - for me, veganism and just respect for life and liberty in general goes so far beyond the human realm - to the point that; someone taking part in the meat/animal product industry is no different than them taking part in the human enslavement and subjugation industry/lifestyle. For me - a no go! Just as I couldn't date someone who takes part in Rape or Aggressive Domineering behavior towards People - I also can't support that attitude towards the Furry, Feathered, and Friendly People we call Animals.
    I understand this is considered a "radical" or "hard-line" view, even by Vegans. But I also understand it's easy to make excuses for folks we are close to rather than look at the life and world they (and we through complacency) actually support. Anyhoo - no attack on anyone else's ideas / relationships. But I do hope that all you Vegans and Veggies out there will work on your Mate, and if you are single - hopefully you'll hold out for that Conscious, Compassionate Vegan and experience the beauty and grandeur of a a relationship where all partners are based in a foundation of Love and Respect for everything around them....Earthshaking and Fireworks my friends - earthshaking and fireworks!!

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    Posted by AndyT at 04/02/14 20:18:49

    Again an important and difficult discussion!

    One thing from my side, however:

    Do NOT date someone who is omni, assuming that they will "get it" and then turn veg*n !!!

    Yes, it can happen, and that is great, but IMO in most cases it does NOT happen, and that can then be a recipe for disaster if you were counting on it.

    I met my wife who is omni in 1997 when I was a happy-go-lucky vegetarian who was happy as long as he could get his vegetarian food and let others do as they pleased.

    In the meantime, I have gone vegan, and am now an abolitionist vegan, and it breaks my heart to see how my children are devouring nonvegan products.

    My wife is now eating 95 % plant-based for health reasons, and cooks mostly vegan at home, but she still considers herself an omnivore and sometimes goes for some rather gruesome options in restaurants (e.g. lamb shank :-(

    I did not try to convert her, or preach to her, and have been giving her good example, information, and everything in the last 15 years ... but she still is an omni. So, again, do not count on "logic and compassion to prevail" and everybody who is exposed to veg*nism to turn veg*n at some point in time....

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    Posted by TheVegetableAddict at 04/02/14 20:37:08

    HI! @AndyT and @StephenS I just want to post an update. I'm not sure that I wan to really date here, but I have found someone that has similar views to veganism to me. We chatted and she loves good healthy food like I do. I think I might be on to something!

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    Posted by MountainLightSage at 04/16/14 23:38:56

    I think at some point, you don't want to be around someone who eats meat. Whether that is family, close friends or your date.

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