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The Buddha explained that the people we truly love are not the source of our life’s joy as one may think. I was listening to a YouTube lecture by a very special Buddhist Monk named Ajahan Amaro, and he explained that in the Suttas, the Buddhist Scriptures, the Buddha had stated that suffering, indeed suffering comes from the relationships we hold dearest to our hearts. Love creates suffering.

I had to really think about this for a few days. Many things I realized during this time, but one thought seemed important to share with the world and it has brought me to this moment in time. We are not ready for love on Earth because we do not know how to suffer. We also do not know how to fight correctly, which is the outward expression of our suffering, and thus we do not know how to love. No one teaches us how to love. This explains why there are so many failed relationships.

The Buddha taught that all life is a suffering process and his mission was to teach how to end suffering, yet, he did not teach us how to endure it. Jesus suffered on the cross so deeply that his heart could have cried out and ripped the very fabric of reality, shredding it into a billion pieces like a shattered cosmic mosaic falling all around us, toppling into the endlessness of a bottomless illusion in the great holograph of creation. Instead both Buddha and Jesus suffered silently. The same is true for almost every great religious leader, saint, guru and good person that has ever walked this planet. But is this the correct way to suffer?

If to love is to suffer, then we must unlock the mystery of how one should suffer if we will ever learn how to love. Our suffering is not our pain although it is painful. Suffering is anguish that is deepening and personal and it is a powerful source of growth. Our suffering exists, in accordance with Buddhist teachings, because we cling, holding and clutching, and refusing to release to the universal dance. When we love, we hold on dearly and this is the central mistake. We undermine the freedom of others, we tell them what to do, we conflict with what is and try to amend the natural flow that pulsates life through our minds and bodies. We hold on to what we want and we do not suffer silently, so we inflict our suffering on others to show them who wins at this suffering game. This then leads to fights.

To best understand suffering, we need look no further than our daily meals. If there is a piece of animal on your plate, then an innocent, blameless being who had feelings, family, home and touched the divinity of life with its breath has been ruthlessly isolated, alienated, beaten, tortured and killed. If you suffer, perhaps it in part due to this very suffering inflicted upon the animals one has eaten. The spiritual and emotional pain of being degraded to the stature of food, to be wanted for flesh and ignored for love is the very cruelest fate.

To reduce the magnitude of fighting, in marriages and war, we must own our suffering and when it is over abandon it. Not just for the Karmic content and resolution of past deeds, but we must do this for the existential dilemma that cannot be unraveled. We must acknowledge the source of our suffering and find its end and the path to its end, but first we must suffer maturely, willingly, lovingly and for the benefit of our own growth and for the freeing of all sentient beings that they do not need to suffer as we do.

We should learn and train ourselves to fight peacefully and with honor and non violently until our suffering ceases and the source for the fight is revealed. This involves training and discipline. We must also purify our Karma and go vegan so that negative pathways do not delude our progression towards the wisdom and grace that ends suffering. We need to teach young married couples that the love they share for their spouses and children suffers deeply in their hearts silently until they release from owning this experience of love and life.

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