by The Pink Herbivore
Please note that – throughout this article I am going to refer to MEAT (anything non-vegan) as HIS, HIM & HE – using a blood red font – ……please take no offence Guys!
Delicious MR. VEGETABLES is also going to be refered to as HIM.
In the title & in the banner I am thinking of the original meaning of the word ‘vegetarian’: –
pure plant eaters,
(known as ‘vegans’ since 1944).
8 Ways Becoming a Vegetarian Is Like a Bad Breakup
1. It happens when you finally realize that you’d be better off without him. You know that Meat is wrong for you. Every time you spend time with Meat, he just makes you sluggish and lazy. You don’t want to do anything, much less exercise, so the weight just keeps packing on. Plus, he has a really cruel job. Do you really want to be associated with that kind of thing? You reluctantly decide that you have to end things.
2. It’s hard to break off the relationship because you’ve been together for so long. You really can’t imagine your life without Meat. You’ve been together for as long as you can remember, and the prospect of being without Meat is terrifying. Will you ever really find anyone to replace him?
3. After the break up, you have those moments where you want to call your him up, just to hear his voice one last time. Would it really be so bad to meet him for lunch? Just to talk, of course.
4. You have a few awkward run-ins at the places you frequented together. You try to avoid him altogether by trying out new places, but you can’t stop going to all the places you went together. At first, you’re tempted to talk to him, but you are determined to stand your ground. You barely acknowledge him before ducking your head and walking away.
5. Your mom thinks you’re crazy for leaving him. You really wish that she would just support you in your break up, but she doesn’t understand. Everyone else has some sort of Meat in their life, she says, and she just wants what’s best for you. She thinks that you two were great together and encourages you to get back together. You didn’t mess up too badly, yet, you can still go back to him.
6. You discover a part of you that you never knew. You’re not really cruel or lazy. Those were just attributes you made excuses for when you were in your relationship with Meat. You realize that you can be better than the person Meat made you. You can really become the person that you’ve always wanted to be: kind and strong.
7. The longing for him fades after a while. The more time you spend away from him, the more you can see all his negative attributes that you had excused for so long. You are finally able to see that him for what he is: cruel, nasty, and lazy. You really are better off without him, and you wouldn’t take him back if he stood outside your window playing your favorite song on a stereo over his head and begging for you to take him back.
8. You eventually find a new love. You’ve been taking it slow because you don’t want to get hurt again, but you realize that you really like Vegetables. He is kind, considerate, and encouraging. You don’t feel sluggish or terrible after spending time with Vegetables, you feel energized and determined. You’ve been hitting the gym with him and starting to lose all that weight you gained when you were going out with Meat. He makes you happy and healthy and you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. He is your ‘happily ever after’.
VEGETABLES – I LOVE YOU!