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-**VEGANchicks**- - more on NON-VEGAN BOYZ (or girlz, depends what you're into)eye rolling smiley - Discussion Forum

more on NON-VEGAN BOYZ (or girlz, depends what you're into)eye rolling smiley
July 16, 2011 09:35PM
Hi Lizzy & Chicks! Thank you for your post.This is something I've been wanting to discuss about: NON-VEGAN BOYS and DATING. Are you open to dating guys that are not vegan? not vegetarian? Do you accept a date without knowing what the guy eats? What happens if he takes you to a restaurant and orders pork ribs? What if he orders a cheese pizza? What if he drinks a Campari (it's made out of bugs! yuck!)? What if he opens you the door to his leather seated car? How open/close are your boundaries?

I met my beautiful husband seven years ago. Our first date was a muzzarella pizza (yum! mamma's milk with baby's stomach!). My guy had been vegetarian 3 years in his youth but as a single male found it easier to throw a piece of stake in a pan and call that dinner. I thought of myself as an ecologist, an ecologist who ate animals because her brain was so washed from society she thought her body needed to ingest corpses for her health.

We knew it was not ok to have blood in our plates. We eliminated from our diets cows, then pigs, then birds, then fish, and stayed vegetarian for almost two years. Then we became conscious about all animal derived products and went vegan all the way, the only way!

It was very fortunate for me that we evolved holding hands... I don't know what I would have done if it hadn't been that way. I cannot imagine me evolving by myself and leaving him behind or vice-versa. I think it's part of love, being able to see through your lover's eyes.

Maybe it is narrow mindedness, but I could not be with a man who ate animals and less have a family with him, because I want my children to grow up with what I consider values and to sit down in a table of peace, not of violence eating mutilated tortured corpses.

I guess Lizzy, if you want your guy to be open to veganism, first you have to be sure that he is worthy boyfriend material, because honey, it will take a lot of energy from both of you, specially you. VERY IMPORTANT: DON'T TRY TO IMPOSE IT. Let him do the questions, make it your mystery. When you answer, do it always with love. Then have under your sleeve maximum 3 videos from internet (I know you will be tempted to show him a hundred), so when he shows how intrigued he is, you can show him a million words with an image.

In Einstein's words: BEING AN EXAMPLE IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO TEACH, IT IS THE ONLY WAY.

I've noticed when I talk and talk about veganism, people find me pushy, and that when I just shut up and do my thang, everyone asks me about it.

Very important when it comes to men, applies to veganism and pretty much everything: DO NOT THROW ALL THE INFO AT ONCE!!!!!! Men need to digest information in parts, otherwise it's too much for their manly brains and they'll just oppose. Little steps, one thing at a time.

It will be a lot easier if your lover is a woman because we are so much more sensitive than men. I bet it is still easier if you take it little by little.

Good luck! and lots of love.

LOVE IS ALL.
Re: more on NON-VEGAN BOYZ (or girlz, depends what you're into)eye rolling smiley
August 21, 2011 09:11PM
Wow, e37e, that is really good advice!

I think there are two issues. One issue is does your man respect your choice to be veg*n. The other issue is whether your man is open to being veg*n himself. I think the first issue is an absolute deal breaker. If your man doesn't respect the fact that you are vegetarian or vegan and tries to force his meat-eating ways on you...I would show him the door. Don't waste your time on him because you deserve much better than to be stuck with an unsupportive partner. It's not a power struggle or a war between the two of you. It's a matter of respecting each other's choice. Explain to him the reasons why you choose to eat the way you do, emphasize that you're not casting any judgment on him or putting any pressure on him to eat like you. This is all about his ability to empathize. Can he put himself in your shoes and understand (insert your reasons here) for example, that you do not believe a cow should be murdered so that you can eat a hamburger. This is not about him agreeing with your decision. It's about him validating, respecting and valuing your decision. Like, him thinking, "It's pretty cool that my girlfriend is a vegetarian" even though he may continue to eat meat. He can believe it's ok to eat meat and respect your decision to refrain from eating meat at the same time.

As to the second issue of whether your man is open to going veg*n himself, that's up to you to decide how important it is to you. And it's a tough one b/c even if someone has good intentions it can take YEARS for people to make the transition. For me, I went vegetarian, did my own thing and didn't put any pressure on my man to change. If he would ask questions, I'd answer them, but I was never pushy. Even when he would say, "what do you think about me eating this hamburger?" I would say, "That's between you and the cow you're about to eat." He gave up eating cows and pigs after we went to a petting zoo at an apple orchard and he pet a baby cow and pig. It's my personal opinion that when people make these decisions on their own rather than being forced into them, they stick. Now I'm going vegan and he is almost a vegetarian (with a few slip ups here and there).

There are some people who are so grossed out and simply disgusted at the idea of kissing someone who has just had meat in their mouth that they can't do it. They just are not attracted to the person because of it. And if that's the case, well you can throw philosophical discussions out the window b/c you're not attracted to them and that's it. You can't make yourself be attracted to someone you're not.
Re: more on NON-VEGAN BOYZ (or girlz, depends what you're into)eye rolling smiley
September 02, 2011 05:05PM
My partner of four years is not vegan and it is hard sometimes. But I think happycowgirl is right, it's more important that he respect your views. While my boyfriend eats meat and seafood when we go out to dinner, he never complains that we only eat vegan dinners at home. He'll sometimes complain about the content of those dinners, ie. he refuses to eat kale now because I overloaded him on it! And he only likes tofu and fake meat when it's cut up into really small pieces. But, he knows how important it is to me, and so has agreed to keep our house vegetarian, and he only buys milk for his tea and cereal. We use vegan butter, sour cream, cheese, cream cheese, mayonaise etc. He buys feta sometimes because there isn't a good vegan one. So I feel like it is a good compromise, although of course I dream of him deciding to vegetarian or even better vegan, but I don't think it's going to happen. I accept that I am the one whose views are outside the norm (however much they make absolute sense to me!).
Re: more on NON-VEGAN BOYZ (or girlz, depends what you're into)eye rolling smiley
January 21, 2012 12:11AM
My boyfriend of two years isn't vegan and we're just fine as a couple o:
He eats vegan meals with me every now and again. We had tempeh tacos for dinner tonight and he really liked them.
He even backs up my being vegan and supports all of my arguments. Sometimes I wonder why he still eats meat to be honest, he'd make a perfect vegan lol
I think that vegans and meat eaters can easily make a good couple as long as the meat eater is open minded and accepting of the vegan's views.
Re: more on NON-VEGAN BOYZ (or girlz, depends what you're into)eye rolling smiley
March 20, 2012 04:26PM
Kimward8 my story is similar to yours. I begrudgingly keep a vegetarian household...I would prefer it to be vegan.

The only animal products allowed in the home are dairy cheese, cow's milk and take out. It pains me so much because the suffering of cows really hits home for me...its the exploitation of the female ya know?

I hate having to scrub my pans if he reheats take out. He has to use his own cutting board because I don't want to have to soap up and scrub my favorite wood cutting board to make sure it is not infected by bacteria, e-coli, salmonella or whatever. I merely rinse my pans, dishes and knives because only plants and seeds have touched them. But if he uses them for flesh we have to scrub it.

He is extremely supportive and sensitive to me being vegan and loves to frequent vegan restaurants. I love him dearly and we've been together 11 years. BUT, if I was single again, I would not enter a serious relationship with anyone who was not vegan or working towards living a more compassionate life. Its just too painful to watch the complete disregard for life solely for your taste buds.
Re: more on NON-VEGAN BOYZ (or girlz, depends what you're into)eye rolling smiley
August 15, 2012 04:44PM
I had a long term relationship with a meat eater, but during our relationship I turned vegan. It definitely frustrated me that he couldn't understand my views enough to not want to touch meat ever again. But it is his life and opinion. He was open to eating vegan food and did turn veggie (for a short while!) I would definitely prefer a vegan/veggie boyfriend next time!
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